Jehovah's Witnesses Straight Talk - Forum/Blog

Profile photo for Dafna Ross
Dafna Ross, Survivor of Narcissistic abuse
Updated October 21, 2018
From my experience:

Rest assured, if they thought there was something to be had from you at present, they’d be thinking of and consequently love-bombing you again. Because that’s how they function. Need you = love-bomb you. Don’t need you = forget about you.

Narcs don’t get attached emotionally, therefore they don’t love or care, thus they don’t miss / long for you, are neither nostalgic nor curious as to what’s been going on with your life. It’s very healing to remember that all these feelings we automatically attribute to all humans are stunted in a narc - as if the narc didn’t have these feelings. The feelings are there, but very immature, infantile and buried deep under all the trauma. Inaccessible to the narc.

To give you an example of what it is like for them with someone who normally would’ve been meaningful in their lives: do you miss an immigration officer at an airport where you took a connection flight in a distant country? Of course they were crucially important to you for the few minutes you stood in line for them to stamp your passport. They were the focus of your attention. But the instant you heard the thump of the stamp, your thoughts automatically switched to the Duty Free stores and you never gave another thought to that person again, much less missed them.

You’re just one more face in the crowd of people who were instrumental to the narc at some point in the past - even if you’re the mother of his children.

What’s crucial for you is that you remember this says nothing about you. It’s their sickness, not your value, that makes it impossible for them to get attached. If you were the perfect human being, they’d still feel and behave exactly the same. Because that’s what they’re able to do.

The blessed instant you suddenly deeply grasp that this is, very sadly, a sick person, you’ll stop expecting any normal reactions at all from them and you’ll be overtaken by immense peace of mind. You’ll notice your energy flowing into procrastinated projects of yours that now give you much pleasure and a sense of achievement. They’ll all of a sudden be out of your thoughts but for the rare passing thought, which will be met with some sadness and a little prayer for them.

“He’s sadly very sick” should be your mantra to repeat each time you catch yourself trying to analyze a behavior of theirs for logic.

63.8K viewsView 770 upvotesView shares