Jehovah's Witnesses Straight Talk - Forum/Blog

Alyssa. Bivens
Studied Registered Nurses (RN) at Galen College of Nursing (Graduated 2008)December 21, 2018

Why does the narc give things to the new supply they never gave you?

This is the question the Narcissist is dying for you to ask! Why? Because you are the very reason the Narcissist is giving things or doing things with the new supply that he never gave or did with you. Sadly, it's all yet another way the Narcissist is attempting to punish you. I can say this with absolute certainty because I lived through it. I'll share my experience, and hopefully this will make you see that you are not alone, and just like with every other thing the Narcissist ever did to you, it was never because of anything you did.

While I was being discarded & promptly replaced, my ex Narcissist was obsessively trying to provoke a reaction from me, hoping I'd either get angry or breakdown in tears begging for him to stay. I provided no reactions to his behavior, instead, I ignored it. Now, I did this for me, so I could begin to let go of this fairytale of lies I called a relationship, and more importantly, it was my accepting that this person was, in fact, a Narcissist. I had no idea that my refusal to provide him with any reaction would possibly cause him a massive Narcissistic Injury. But what transpired beyond my discard was an absolute production, where my ex Narcissist was the star performer with one agenda, to punish me!

Now here's where your question comes to play. If I had to write a list of the top 10 most important things my ex promised me he'd do with me and things he promised to give me, this list would be an identical match to all the things he immediately did with or gave to his new supply. Identical. Ouch, right? Well, here's why it's important to see beyond the performance, and all the smoke a mirrors that the Narcissist is doing for the new supply.

It would be completely expected that knowing that my ex Narcissist was doing all those amazing things I had been so patiently waiting for him to do with me, and giving all these elaborate gifts to the new supply when the only gifts he ever gave me were a pair of slippers & a tv wall mount! (No lie!!) However, because I had been spending all my time & energy since my discard, learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, seeing a therapist to work toward my healing, I was able to see all the gifts, the trips out of town, etc, for what they really were, my punishment. So did it then hurt to see my ex Narcissist showering this train wreck of a new supply with everything he never gave me? Not even a little bit.

Once you acknowledge and accept that this person is a Narcissist, then you also must accept that this person is also a liar, a phony, and a fraud. Therefore, how could anything this person does for this new supply ever be taken personally when their entire existence is a manufactured lie?

My ex Narcissist may have been punishing me for never showing any emotion to him throwing me away like a piece of trash. Or he may have been punishing me because even though he discarded me, it was the reason that I moved out of the state where he still resides. Maybe because I left, obviously without any other choice but to, he saw that as my abandoning him. The list of reasons the Narcissist could come up with to justify punishing you once the relationship is over, is an endless one.

The point to remember though, is the Narcissist is nothing more than a character playing a role. So nothing this person does with any supply can ever truly be considered a genuine act of loving another.

I have talked with many survivors of Narcissistic relationships, and I promise you their tales of their ex Narcissist doing all sorts of things for their new supply that they never ever did for them have been like listening to a skipping record, and all so the Narcissist could punish them. Just as the Narcissist punishes you throughout the entire relationship by projecting all their wrongdoings onto you in an attempt to never be held accountable, creating a false reality in their mind where you are the bad person in the relationship, they only continue to exist in this false reality once the relationship ends. What other way do they have to punish you once you're no longer in their life? So, they use the one thing they have left to punish you with, and it's always the new supply.

But know that this new supply that's receiving all the things you never did WILL be in your shoes someday. That is certain. Even though the Narcissist is using the new supply to punish you, it is still aaaaallll about the Narcissist, and his insatiable need to feel in control & in power over you, because the Narcissist will never ever have control or power over himself.

So take the Narcissist's pathetic “Captain Obvious” showboating with this new supply as a compliment, because after everything, he still sees you as more powerful than him. And guess what? He always will.

You're free. You've been given a chance to find true love. You won. Take the win & don't look back!