Jehovah's Witnesses Straight Talk - Forum/Blog

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Tiffani Morton

B.S. from Florida International University (Graduated 2006)Updated March 26, 2019

What will make a narcissist start valuing his ex-partner again or possibly want her again?

Several things. However, I’ll list 2 reasons, I believe, a Narcissist will re-idealize (they don’t value anyone) a target…

He’s out of/low on supply. One of many reasons people cannot get closure from narcissistic relationships, is because narcissists do not end relationships. They take breaks from them. Many narcissists cannot be alone. They need a constant flow of attention/energy because they cannot generate their own. They’re empty vessels living in a perpetual state of need. So, they collect people and store them to use (as needed) to fulfill their needs. When a new target isn’t what the narcissist thought they’d be, or, when one wisens up and leaves, the narcissist goes through his collection of bodies to replace that energy source. He’s able to sneak back in through the cracks of the doors he leaves ajar with “exes”. It’s also likely that a narcissist will circle back to an old flame to obtain whatever that target provided for them while in a “relationship” with a new target. They’re insatiable people. Nothing and no one will ever be enough. They re-idealize in order to get what they want, PERIOD. It’s never about the target. It’s ALWAYS about the Narcissist getting their endless needs met. So, if they have to cry, profess love, beg, lie, cheat, or, treat you like a prince/princess (re-idealize) to get you to give them what they want, they will. But, as soon as they get what they want, they’ll drop you - again.

The target is happy and moving on. Or, they’re alone and doing fine without the narcissist. Based on my experience, narcissists will attempt to disrupt your life once you begin to heal, move on and start rebuilding yourself and life without them. They don’t want you to be happy. They want you to be miserable LIKE/WITH them. Once they see you regaining your strength, they’ll circle back around to try to knock you back down. They’ll always try to hurt you worse than the time before in an effort to make it harder for you to recover… It's our responsibility to make sure they never get back in…
Simply put, a narcissist will NEVER come back because they “value” you. They’ll never come back because they’ve done the necessary introspection and see the err of their ways. They’ll never come back to make amends. They’ll never come back because they want to make you happy.

The ONLY reason a narcissist comes back, is to use you. Or, knock you down lower than before. Sometimes, both.

Once you successfully get a narcissist out of your life, slam the door and BOLT IT SHUT! They won’t leave your life if you’re good supply. You have to put them out and patch any holes they can use to re-enter!