Jehovah's Witnesses Straight Talk - Forum/Blog

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Kay Morton

An Expert On Narcissism & Analyzing Human BehaviorUpdated July 3

I keep texting my ex that is a narcissist and he never answers back. He always gives the silent treatment? Why?

This is a very interesting question. Although there are some good answers, I would like to add a different perspective. You stated something that was very important “…I keep texting my ex…”. I don’t know your ex, but this person IS, according to you, your ex. Think about that for a second. THIS PERSON IS YOUR EX! Many people assume that even though they are an ex, if they text the person they are no longer involved with, that person should respond! NO! This is the REAL world! Just because you text your ex does NOT mean they SHOULD respond! The relationship is OVER! OVER! They are no longer obligated to answer your text, read your text or respond to you in ANY way! They may or may not be a narcissist, but they ARE ABSOLUTELY AN EX! Being an EX means that they are no longer in a relationship with you. It also means that you no longer are a priority for this person and, that is the case whether you are OK with it or not.

So if you “KEEP TEXTING YOUR EX” - THEN STOP! DO NOT “KEEP” doing that!

Giving you the silent treatment when you are together can, in certain cases, be classified as narcissistic behavior. This is NOT always the case. However, not speaking to you AFTER A RELATIONSHIP IS OVER, IS SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT! You cannot have it your way AFTER the relationship is over! NOR SHOULD YOU! Your ex may not want to talk to you anymore. They may be hurt. They may not be. However, what we DO KNOW FOR CERTAIN is that the relationship is OVER! They are sending you a message! They are telling you “We are done and I no longer want to hear from you!”. ACCEPT THAT and STOP - for YOUR well-being and their well-being!

Let me add a final thought. Although many people think narcissists have no feelings, this is just NOT the case. They DO have feelings! They are human beings and things hurt them, just like anyone else. The ending of a relationship is typically not pleasant for ANYONE. Some people shut down. Some people blame themselves. Some people reach for someone else. Some people become very depressed. The point is that people deal with the ending of a relationship in a variety of ways. Please know that a person ignoring you AFTER a relationship ends isn’t about you - it is about THEM! THEY are trying to heal or stop whatever hurt or pain THEY feel! For WHATEVER reason, they are insulating themselves FROM YOU! YOU should do the same! Reaching out to them is something they are trying to stop you from doing. Their silence is sending you a MESSAGE - WE ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER AND IT IS OVER SO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! There have CERTAINLY been people in my life who have hurt me and after it was over, I had ZERO desire to speak to them. They would call and text and I would NOT RESPOND! Why should I? Why should I EVER devote one more second of my time to someone I just broke up with? You see, there are always three sides to EVERY ENDING of a romantic relationship - your side, their side and the truth! YOUR truth may not be THEIR truth and THEIR truth is just as real to them as yours is to you! ACCEPT this! YOU may think you were perfect in the relationship and they may see it differently. It is OK! IT IS OVER NOW so you can go on about your way and they can go on about theirs.

Some have asked me what you should do if children are involved. If children are involved, it is even more critical for you to stop texting your ex over and over, calm yourself down and GO TO COURT! You may be tempted to just keep texting because your ex SHOULD respond, however, the very thing you are doing to stay in contact can be used against you in a court of law! If your ex goes to a police officer with a hundred text messages from you and no response from them, it isn’t going to matter that you were texting about your child. What is going to matter is the excessive nature of your attempted contact! Of course you may want to know about your child, but your method of contact makes it seem like you are unstable! No! What you must do is control yourself, back away and use the courts to reconnect. Have the judge order certain contact for the children and then follow the court order. That will protect you, allow you to reconnect with your children without going to jail! If your ex violates the custody and visitation order, they will be faced with sanctions from the court, up to and including jail time and a change of custody! You, however, will stay out of trouble for being unable to control yourself!

I would also add that if you are feeling unable to let go or feeling like you can’t stop texting and calling, you may be veering into stalker behavior and your ex may consider it to be so and get authorities involved. Stop before you reach that level! If you need help to get your ex out of your mind, seek professional help! There is no shame in admitting that you can’t handle something alone and need some help! That is precisely the type of thing a counselor can help you deal with. You need to refocus your energy a and move on. So LET IT GO AND STOP CONTACTING YOUR EX! Stop trying to make your ex out to be doing something abnormal. We are so accustomed to being able to reach someone after a breakup now that we think it is normal to do so, when it really is not! We can go on social media accounts and see that the person has moved on. We can peer into their world in a very unnatural way after things are done and some people just can’t handle that! Sometimes people, for whatever reason, reach the point of having enough and not wanting contact anymore! This is allowed and OK! You have to be willing to step back and let people live their own truth! FOCUS ON YOUR HEALING and let your ex focus on theirs. Move forward with your life and leave this part of your past alone before your pain turns into obsession and creates a bad situation for you!